The title is just for suspense value =)
So here's my story...
First let me introduce myself:
"Hi! My name is Butchik Santos!
I am already 19 years old, I am in the last year of my teenage life, I have never had a boyfriend since birth, and I have never fallen in love."
This may be hard to admit for some people; but I, on the other hand, am proud of it!
You see, for the past nineteen (19) years of my life, I have seen a lot of "INSTANCES OF LOVE".
Instance #1: People who were once so madly in love who later on become bitter exes in the end.
Instance #2: People who have been together for a long time but ended up being with other people in the end.
Instance #3: People getting so vulnerable because of love
Instance #4: People getting so STUPID because of love
Instance #5: People forgetting their friends because of love.
Instance #6: People crying for days because of love.
Instance #7: People getting fat because of love (true story)
Instance #8: People becoming UNREASONABLE because of love
Instance #9: People disregarding their family because of love
Instance #10: People committing suicide because of love (I know right?haha!but true story indeed!)
These are some of the things that I have discovered about being in LOVE.
I may seem negative for writing all of these things, but these things really do happen; they did happen!
And how did I know?
Because these people came to me, asking for advice. Can you imagine?These people asked for an advice from someone who hasn't even been in love in the first place!I guess instance #4 is correct.Haha!Kidding!
So anyway, being someone who has not experienced all the drama, I am not really sure if these people are giving me warnings or if they were terrorizing me or something. Hearing all these things really scares me!
I have always been this person who is good in giving advices. I can make a person feel better by giving words of encouragement. But somehow, I cannot help but think that someday, these things can also happen to me; and that I will also be needing advices. This is my biggest fear!
Okay, maybe at this point you may think that I am crazy or something; or that I am an anti-LOVE person. Actually, I really am not; I am scared, that's true, but I also do believe that being in LOVE is the greatest thing in this world. Nothing can compare to that feeling of giving away a part of yourself to someone you really value the most. I also still think that this is something that I just cannot wait to experience in the near future.
But here's the deal:
I am not against LOVE (like what I have said), but I am against LOVE IN THE WRONG TIME.
One thing that I have noticed from all those people whom I have helped (naks!haha!), is that they always get hurt in the end because the love that they had was not mature enough; or that they fell in love too easily. Sure, it feels nice to be impulsive once in a while; but when it comes to love, i think IMPULSIVENESS DOES NOT REALLY WORK. They say that when love hits you, you would just know it. So the tendency is for people to act on in immediately, feel really good, and then eventually end up being hurt. And this brings me to formulate this saying in my mind:
"Nothing can explain how love happens; but there are lot of explanations about how it fades."
Sounds unfair right? How love is unexplainable, but falling out of love has many reasons. Maybe that's just it; being in love is complicated. Even the best-selling authors cannot give a precise and exact definition about what love is. And I guess it is also because not all people experience the same kind of love. Maybe what I consider as love may not be considered as love by other people, and it works both ways.
See how complicated it is?
So I guess those people who were able to find their true love on their first try really are the lucky ones. They don't have to suffer the agony of the process of breaking up, or the feeling of being a failure, and the feeling of being worthless in the end. I may sound ambitious, but this is the kind of love which I am dreaming to have. Maybe what I said before about being scared can be best explained by this: I do not know yet how I will love someone or in what level will I fall. This scares me because I do not know if I will also end up hurting like the others; or if I will also get stupid, or unreasonable, or FAT! haha!
These are the questions in my mind; these may also be the reasons that's been holding me back.
But I guess I am really just being careful; I do not want to rush into things because I know that if I am ready, it will happen. And I GUESS by that time, I will also be ready to be hurt, be stupid, and be unreasonable; but I am SURE that when that happens, I will be stronger. Preparing my heart for the battle is what I am doing right now. And those instances of love? Well, they are just my guide. Because when the time comes, I know I will also be able to write my own "LOVE INSTANCES"; and they will be the best!
Xoxo,
Chick
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